Real v. Good

I've had a lot of time to think this last year.  I used to look for the good in people when I met them.  That was my litmus test.  But thats changed. Now, I look for real.  Good can be easily disguised.  Real, though, is what it is regardless of costume.  Real is naked and proud no matter what.

When I think of a kind person, I think of someone who is generous, helpful, and who considers other people's feelings.  When it comes down to it, though, you can be kind to someone even though you aren't nice to them and you can be nice to someone but also be unkind.  Being real is different.  Real is accepting who and where you are.  Real is accepting others for who and where they are.  Real doesn't involve a hierarchy or social ladder of any type, no tit for tat behavior, Real people aren't afraid to speak up, to defend those who can't defend themselves, or be viewed as an outsider by the mainstream population.

Why has this fascinated me so much?  Maybe because I've realized how insecure so many people actually are.  Without the type of daily human interaction they were used to pre-covid so many people are longing to be seen and heard.  What I've seen posted on social media (and the sheer amount of posting) astounds me.  It's as if some people are screaming for attention ---- see me, like me, notice me, talk to me.  It's as if some people are screaming to be seen as a good person ---- I give to charity, I am involved in giving back, I help people, I care about people.

I am not perfect.  In fact, very far from it.  I haven't always been so real about me.  There were dark parts of me I tried to cover up and hide.  I was careful to only show the "good" parts of me on social media, outwardly, etc.  It took me getting comfortable with myself, and all of my insecurities and darkness, to be real about who I was.  It didn't happen overnight.  It took a lot of time, introspection, and (yes) therapy where I was willing to be open and honest with myself.  My dark parts and flaws are a big part of who I am and what defines me.  And once I saw and accepted the real in me, I had to teach myself to look for the real in others.  I had to learn to believe people as they see things and are and not see how I imagine their experience of life to be.  

I've found myself gravitating towards people I know are real, unabashed, comfortable with who they are.  I've realized that while the accomplishments that people boast and post about sometimes are real, real people don't usually boast or post about anything they do.  I've also come to grips with the fact that anybody who doesn't have any rough edges isn't being honest --- they're not being real with themselves or anyone else.

I admit I may be an extreme.  Rather than holding back I tend to put everything out there.  It scares a lot of people --- including me at times.   I've lost some people because of it.  Yet the people I've met or reconnecting with as a result are incredible.  They are like-minded.  They will speak up if they don't agree or want to offer another perspective.  They truly want what is best for me.

"polished me"

As we begin to close out 2021 I just ask that you think about this for a few minutes.  What can you do in 2022 to be more real with yourself and others?  

"real me"