New Year, Same Crap --- Finding a Way to Deal With It

 Happy New Year, though according to Larry David I can't say that after January 7..........

It's technically a new year, though it seems much the same.  Other than the fact that, like clockwork, the temperature seems to drop to subzero levels on or before January 1.  We're 22 months into Covid.  Numbers are on the rise (again).  Despite that, I don't know if I've ever been happier.  Doesn't mean crappy things aren't happening to me and all around me, but it's how I'm choosing to deal with it.  I really see how much progress I have made in the last three years and all of the work that I have put in (and continue to put in) is paying off in ways I never imagined.  

The question today is how do we keep going with so much shit happening all around us.  We can either bury our heads in the sand and stay locked up out of fear, or we can deal with everything the best we can --- knowing that every day might not be perfect.  I used to obsess about things that were out of my control, the future, potential.  However, staying in the moment and accepting what is real has changed my life.  I used to just erupt with anger.  Little things would set me off in crazy and unimaginable ways.  Now, I just go with the flow.  I strive to stay steady instead of getting to high or too low.  I am the first to admit that some of it may be medication, but it's helping.  I realized that calm people are really attractive to me; people who don't yell and scream and blame when they are upset.  Someone who bring peace and ease instead of stress and anxiety is so sexy to me.

I used to care so much about people that had been in my life for long periods of time.  I thought it was almost a badge of honor to have all of these friends that had been in my life forever.  I prided myself (and judged my self worth) on being a good friend, someone who was there for people asap when then needed it.  What the last 22 months have taught me is that the only people you really need in your life are the real people instead of the long list of people you've "known" forever.  Sure, you may have been close in the past and maybe you've even been there for each other in the past, but things change.  We evolve.  We grow.  And sometimes we have to realize (or I did) that sometimes you have to give up on people.  Not because I don't care about them, but because the reality is they don't care about me.  I've promised myself to be nice to myself this year and let go of those people who just aren't part of my regular life anymore.  

The other major breakthrough that I've made (and that I'm really trying hard to put into effect this year) is that I used to over-explain everything.  Over-explaining, though, is a trauma response that --- for me --- came from a deep fear of abandonment and rejection.  I was 4 or 5 years old when I developed that response to trauma.  I don't need to do that anymore.  Some people will like and and some people won't.  But I can't make anyone like me, no matter how awesome I may think they are.  With this mindset I've found that my relationships are deeper and more meaningful.

What does all of this mean?  Truth is I don't know.  I am still trying to figure it out.  But let me know your thoughts.  In the mean time, I am going to leave you with some images that make me smile.